


Guarded Facade

by snooperj



Series: Drabbles [11]
Category: Spooks | MI-5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-06-16
Packaged: 2018-07-15 09:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7216159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snooperj/pseuds/snooperj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feeling concern for Adam at the loss of Fiona, Zaf holds back on expressing any feelings he has towards Adam. When Wes goes missing, Zaf makes good on his promise to find him, while Adam soon realizes that what he needed to move on has been lingering around him all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guarded Facade

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Linger  
> Pair: Adam Carter x Zafar Younis  
> Events and dialogue leading to Wes going missing at the start of this fic follows Series 5 episode 8.

The loss of Fiona Carter was both a devastating loss for the Service, and much more to her widowed husband, Adam. Their son Wes was less attached and ultimately less affected with his mother's loss. Adam tried his hardest to segment his feelings of grief from his everyday work.

Zaf could see the anguish even if Adam never mentioned it everytime the latter would enter the Grid behind that guarded facade. During an operation in Vienna, Zaf gets a call from Jo that Wes was missing. Adam and Zaf convene after their successful ruse of killing off the man’s accomplices.

"Adam, Jo called," Zaf explained as Adam was headed out. “Wes has gone missing.” The junior field officer glanced at their section chief carefully, assessing him. 

There was distraught present all over Adam's features after this information was relayed to him. There was pain evident in his eyes, his entire body tensing. This did not go unnoticed by Zaf. “When?” Adam asked.

“A few hours ago."

 “What, has he been taken?"

“No. We don’t know. They want to take you off the case."

"I can’t, Paynton’s just about to give me the list. I have to do this first. It’s our only chance."

_'Of course you'd say that...'_  Zaf thought to himself.

“It’s my fault…"

 “No, you stay focused on Paynton, I’ll take care of this."

“He’s 9 years old and he’s out there all on his own!” Adam said in panic before he closed his eyes, the demons of his trauma coming back to haunt him again, barely making out Zaf’s voice.

“I’ll go back to the Grid and put every resource we have into finding Wes, but you stay on Paynton and block this out,” Zaf instructed. “Adam,” he reiterated, waiting for the section chief to look at him. "I’ll find him. I promise. Now go." 

 Adam nodded in understanding. “I can’t lose him."

"You won’t."

 There was a moment of understanding before Adam nodded again in appreciation and left. Zaf watched him leave before he too headed back in the opposite direction, not wanting to waste a second longer returning to London.

When Zaf reached Thames House, he tried not to think about the insurmountable challenge it was locating a runaway boy in the streets of London at night. All he focused on was making sure he would find Wes, for Adam's sake. It took a lot of resources, mad phone calls and scrubbing live footage of every bus stop, train stop and street cam his monitor could accommodate. “Come on Wes… where are you…” he mumbled to himself, his eyes darting around while he answered the phone every quarter hour for updates.

When Malcolm and Jo had successfully managed to navigate Ros and Adam out of danger, Zaf caught a break. “We found Wes, the police are with him now. I’m going to go pick him up."

“Thank god. Is he okay?” Jo and Malcolm asked.

 Zaf smiled and nodded. “He’s fine. He was at Paddington. Apparently trying to make his way to Heathrow." With that, Zaf went to see Wes.

* * *

Zaf escorted Wes up to the flat he was staying in with Adam and Jenny. "Here we go Wes, home sweet home," he announced as Jenny pulled open the door shortly after Zaf knocked.

Jenny immediately pulled Wes into a hug as Zaf watched. He wasn't one to pry into Adam's family life or the affairs he was having to cope with Fiona's loss, but he knew that there was hardly any reason to convince himself that he could ever become a part of it. It just wasn't his place.

Zaf smiled when the two finally parted as he squatted down to Wes' eye level and patted his head. "Stay out of trouble now, alright? You wouldn't want your dad to worry about you."

"Are you leaving already?" Wes suddenly asked.

"Come on Wes, time to get to bed. Your dad should be home soon," Jenny urged.

"She's right," Zaf agreed as he straightened up back to his full height. "I need to head back to the office," he explained.

"Can you stay?" Wes requested firmly.

"Jenny will be here," Zaf told him.

Wes shook his head. "I want you to wait for dad with me." Jenny and Zaf looked at each other uncertainly before Wes decided for them. He grabbed Zaf's hand and pulled him upstairs to his room.

When they got to the boy's room, Wes flipped the switch and led Zaf further inside.

"Wes, you can imagine how awkward this will be for your father," Zaf started.

"Ever since Mummy left, I often hear Daddy screaming in his sleep in his room when he leaves the door open," Wes explained as he set his backpack down and went to his closet. "Your name was Zaf, right?"

Zaf observed the boy for a while before he nodded. "That's right..."

 "He calls for you sometimes," Wes told the older. "Are you two close?"

_'I wish that were the case.'_ Zaf gave him a wistful smile. "We just work together, that's all."

Wes put on a thoughtful look as he pulled out his pajamas from the closet. "Do you care about my Daddy?"

"Of course I do."

"Were you the one who looked for me?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I went out today."

“Your dad was busy, so I promised him I’d look for you in his place,” Zaf explained.

Wes gave him a smile. “Then you should stay. He’d want to thank you wouldn’t he?”

Zaf returned the smile. “He can always do that when we see each other for work tomorrow."

Just then, the door flew open as Adam came into view. “Wes! Are you— Zaf?"

Zaf turned to the door. “Adam,” he acknowledged. 

“Daddy!” Wes acknowledged, tossing his change of clothes to the bed and hugged Adam. 

“I heard you went on an adventure,” Adam said as he rubbed Wes’ back.

“I wanted to surprise you in Vienna,” Wes explained as he pulled back.

“Well, I’m here now so you can get ready for bed,” Adam said, ruffling his hair as Wes nodded, grabbed his clothes and stepped out of the room. Adam glanced over to Zaf. “Thank you for finding him,” he told him.

“I made a promise. I wasn’t about to break it,” Zaf told him with a small, wistful smile. “Good night Adam,” he greeted before side-stepping past the taller agent and made his way to the door.

“Zaf, wait,” Adam said, grabbing his arm before he could leave. “Could you stay?"

“It wouldn’t be fair to Jenny, now would it?” Zaf reasoned as he nudged his arm out of Adam’s hold. "Like I said before Adam - you can stop holding my hand, I'm fine."

"This has nothing to do with Jenny."

“Yeah, well this has nothing to do with us either," Zaf immediately retorted before they stared at each other.

Adam, finding himself speechless, was the first to turn away.

"Good night Adam," Zaf said again in a weak voice as he stepped out of Wes' bedroom, patting the boy as they passed each other before he left. “Wes."

"Daddy, is Zaf leaving already?" Wes asked Adam.

"I'm afraid so."

Wes moved to his bed and climbed onto it. "Does that mean you won't be able to sleep properly again?"

His 9-year old was being just a bit too nosy, Adam observed. But it wasn't something he disagreed with either, considering that Wes seemed to be genuinely worried about him. He pulled Wes into an embrace for a few seconds before kissing him atop the head.

“You should go after him…” Wes urged sleepily.

Adam watched Wes for a while before considering heeding his son’s advice after tucking him in and left the room. Passing Jenny, they exchanged glances for a while before Jenny disappeared into her own room as Adam headed downstairs and turned off the lights before discreetly moving up to the window overlooking the outside.

From there, he saw Zaf looking up with what Adam discerned to be a forlorn expression before the junior officer pocketed his hands, flapped up his coat and began walking away and out of sight. By then, Adam’s mind was helpfully supplying him with some flashback recall into Zaf’s choice of words earlier.

_**“I made a promise. I wasn’t about to break it.”** _

_**“Yeah, well this has nothing to do with us either."** _

Adam’s eyes widened in realization before he grabbed his keys and sped out the door, running down the flight of stairs and out the building as he caught up to Zaf. He reached the top of the stairs and paused when he saw Zaf at the bottom. Zaf was looking at his watch for a bit before he shifted his gaze and his eyes met Adam’s. Adam descended the stairs. “I thought you were long gone."

“You didn’t need to come out Adam,” Zaf started to warn him, avoiding to directly respond. 

“Then why are you still here?"

“I’m waiting for a taxi,” Zaf responded.

“Come back upstairs with me."

Zaf avoided his gaze. 

“I saw you lingering outside before you came down here,” Adam accused lightly as he ventured a step closer. “Zaf… is there something you want to tell me?"

“Adam, even if there were… even if I did, we couldn’t."

“What makes you so sure?"

“Because you had a wife, Adam! And God knows what you’re doing with Jenny,” Zaf said heatedly, which Adam was particularly surprised by.

“Zaf, calm down."

Zaf shook his head and looked away. “What I want doesn’t even matter, Adam.” There was dejection in his voice.

Adam reached out and grabbed Zaf’s hand. “It _does_ , Zaf. Especially if it’s aligned to what I want as well."

“Now you’re just salvaging the situation Adam."

“If you don’t believe me, believe Wes. He overhears me talking in my sleep sometimes,” Adam reasoned out. “Yes, Fiona’s loss was devastating for me, and I admit I’m not even over it yet. There are demons haunting me in my sleep every night; nightmares of Wes dying… you dying, Zaf."

Zaf finally turned to Adam at this point.

With his other hand, Adam positioned it by Zaf’s neck for them to lock gazes. “You mean so much more to me than just as my officer, Zaf. I can’t afford to lose you, as much as I can’t afford to lose my son. Help me move on. Please.” The last part was a mere utterance as Adam closed in and kissed Zaf squarely on the lips, met without resistance. Zaf responded in turn, prolonging the kiss a while longer before they broke apart, gasping for air. Adam pressed their foreheads together. “Come up with me. Stay."

Zaf slowly nodded his agreement before Adam kissed him again and gently pulled him along back up to his flat, content knowing that maybe like this, he’d be able to get a good night’s sleep after the longest time. 


End file.
